With a title like that, you’d assume this post is about exercise. But it’s not, okay? It’s about the fact that I’ve been very bad. Not just bad at writing, but bad in general. I accept this about myself, and will continue to stew in the juices of my own self-loathing.
No, but really guys, I’ve been busy! Despite this being the worst thing for anyone to say or write EVER, the reason I haven’t been writing is a direct result of how busy I am. It’s not that I don’t have time, but being too busy makes me cranky, exhausted, stressed out, and generally pretty negative. My absence on this here blog has been my way of shielding you from my psychological putrescence, like a mama kangaroo shelters her babies from the harsh, un-slimy world that is life outside the pouch.
Well, fine. It’s time to squirm out of that pouch! Negative or no, I gotta write. I just gotsta. So here are a few fun suggestions for how to make your life intolerably busy:
1) Buy a new house. Then move into it. Then renovate it. (Thanks Dad.)
2) Work at a not-for-profit arts organization, in a city that doesn’t properly fund arts organizations, in a job you’re sort of qualified for. That’ll put hair on your chest!
3) Never disappoint people by saying “no.” Instead, relinquish stillness, calm, mental clarity, peace of mind, and the ability to string together sentences in casual conversation. “So, what, you do work? That cool thing. I like your stuff. Derp.”
Oh man, what a slimy kangaroo-pouch I am. Let’s try another list, okay? What about ways to help COPE with the busy bull-schnitzel:
1) Rekindle a briefly snuffed-out romance with spiced rum.
2) Hang clothes on the line to dry. When you inevitably forget to take them in, try to figure out if it’s more creepy to bring them in at midnight, or to wait until the next morning. Do the creepier of the two, obviously.
3) Take a relaxing bath in your brand new jacuzzi tub. Just ignore the bits of insulation that have found their way into the air jets; at least it’s not vermiculite!